do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
