it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
