I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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