I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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