Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
