the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
