idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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