to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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