The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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