God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
