i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
