You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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