I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize