just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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