Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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