so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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