Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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