I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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