if you like me you must not know who I am
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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