why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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