It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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