highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
