So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize