you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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