i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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