its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
