I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
