Don't you send me to vm
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
