winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
