i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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