Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
