I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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