The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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