I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
