i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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