Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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