yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He shit in the fireplace
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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