Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
