I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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