i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize