This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
