What did we do last night that was yellow?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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