forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
