My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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