There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
