Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
