There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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