So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think my fart just growled at me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
