so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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