The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
