The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
