You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
