I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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