Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
