I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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