I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
