dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
