I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
