im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
