i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
