You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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