then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Randomize
