a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
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I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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