Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
