They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
