I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
