If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
