You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
