I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
