just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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